When a writer as thoughtful as Leah Libresco Sargeant offers such an inspiring vision of fatherhood, it’s hard not to simply offer an “Amen.” In an era when distinct claims for paternal virtues can be treated with skepticism, any positive agenda for Dads is to be welcomed. My disagreements should therefore be treated as closer to quibbles than objections.
I especially appreciate Sargeant’s insistence on an embodied vision of parenting for Dads as well as Moms. It may well be true that much of the work of fathering is now in the social and emotional worlds, but it is still important for us to feel like our bodies matter to the enterprise.
Fathers’ presence matters less today for physical protection, of course (though that capacity must be retained), but just as much as ever for physical activities, including play. Mothers get flooded with the “love hormone,” oxytocin, following birth and from breastfeeding and holding their babies. Dads get an oxytocin spike from throwing their toddler in the air (and, importantly, catching them). The fact that fathers spend more of their time with children engaged in play can provoke accusations of being “Disney Dads” —the stereotype of dads only showing up for fun times. But play is serious business in terms of child development. Dads use games to train their children for their lives ahead. And to have fun, of course.
Sargeant is right to say that the “paradigmatically womanly kind of risk” physical risks taken by mothers remain highly salient, above all in childbearing. She is also right that the requirement for fathers to put their bodies on the line for their families has radically diminished in modern societies, for good reasons related to social norms and laws.
But I think she understates the remaining opportunities for men to demonstrate physical courage in the service of others. “When men choose to step into danger, today it is more often as a shared competition with other men, in sports or foolish stunts,” she writes. “There is no beneficiary of their appetite for risk.” I disagree. I’ve just visited the site of the World Trade Center, where it is very hard not to notice that all 343 of the firefighters who died attempting to save others were men. The reason that men account for more than 90 percent of occupational deaths is that they account for the overwhelming majority of workers in the most dangerous jobs, including among first responders.
We should all be grateful that our culture no longer asks men to put their lives in danger on a regular basis. But we should also not assume that this requirement has inevitably evaporated for all time. After all, in present-day Ukraine, adult men under the age of 60 are not permitted to leave the country. They are expected—obliged, in fact—to stay and fight, while women and children are free to leave.
Commentary
Even today, men put their lives on the line to protect the vulnerable
This is an excerpt of a response to The Dignity of Dependence: A Feminist Manifesto originally published by Fairer Disputations.
When a writer as thoughtful as Leah Libresco Sargeant offers such an inspiring vision of fatherhood, it’s hard not to simply offer an “Amen.” In an era when distinct claims for paternal virtues can be treated with skepticism, any positive agenda for Dads is to be welcomed. My disagreements should therefore be treated as closer to quibbles than objections.
I especially appreciate Sargeant’s insistence on an embodied vision of parenting for Dads as well as Moms. It may well be true that much of the work of fathering is now in the social and emotional worlds, but it is still important for us to feel like our bodies matter to the enterprise.
Fathers’ presence matters less today for physical protection, of course (though that capacity must be retained), but just as much as ever for physical activities, including play. Mothers get flooded with the “love hormone,” oxytocin, following birth and from breastfeeding and holding their babies. Dads get an oxytocin spike from throwing their toddler in the air (and, importantly, catching them). The fact that fathers spend more of their time with children engaged in play can provoke accusations of being “Disney Dads” —the stereotype of dads only showing up for fun times. But play is serious business in terms of child development. Dads use games to train their children for their lives ahead. And to have fun, of course.
Sargeant is right to say that the “paradigmatically womanly kind of risk” physical risks taken by mothers remain highly salient, above all in childbearing. She is also right that the requirement for fathers to put their bodies on the line for their families has radically diminished in modern societies, for good reasons related to social norms and laws.
But I think she understates the remaining opportunities for men to demonstrate physical courage in the service of others. “When men choose to step into danger, today it is more often as a shared competition with other men, in sports or foolish stunts,” she writes. “There is no beneficiary of their appetite for risk.” I disagree. I’ve just visited the site of the World Trade Center, where it is very hard not to notice that all 343 of the firefighters who died attempting to save others were men. The reason that men account for more than 90 percent of occupational deaths is that they account for the overwhelming majority of workers in the most dangerous jobs, including among first responders.
We should all be grateful that our culture no longer asks men to put their lives in danger on a regular basis. But we should also not assume that this requirement has inevitably evaporated for all time. After all, in present-day Ukraine, adult men under the age of 60 are not permitted to leave the country. They are expected—obliged, in fact—to stay and fight, while women and children are free to leave.
…
Read the full response.
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