Mental health support is not reaching boys. It is time to listen deeply.

Recently, I found myself in a not-so-pleasant argument with a leading technologist and staunch advocate for safety. His latest concern? How young people are turning to AI chatbots for support, connection, and mental health advice. His recommendation was blunt: ban them entirely.

To be clear, I share his deep worry. We have failed, and continue to fail, when it comes to protecting our youth in the digital world. Where I disagree is in his lack of nuance, his unwillingness to ask why young people are seeking support in these spaces in the first place. Clearly, they are not finding what they need in the analog world.

This is especially true for boys and young men, who are facing mounting social pressure, rising emotional strain, and deepening disconnection. The surge in suicide rates among young men is a stark signal that their mental health needs are not being met. So, the real question is not whether they should use these technologies. It is why they are turning to them and how we can meet them where they are, in the ways they want to be met.

Across the country, concern about this crisis has sparked action. States like California and Maryland have declared youth mental health emergencies and committed significant new funding. But before we rush to solutions, we must first understand why the current ones are falling short and how we can design them better.

That is why at Surgo, we launched one of the largest surveys of its kind as part of the Youth Mental Health Tracker, to explore the realities of boys and young men (ages 15 to 24 years) across the United States and understand what is working, what is failing, and how we can do better. We set out to uncover not only their struggles, but also their strengths, shifting the lens from “mental health” as a deficit to “well-being” as a positive goal.

Key lessons on how to help boys and young men

Four key findings stood out to us:

1. Boys face barriers to getting help.

Boys and young men are comfortable acknowledging stress or talking about mental health in general terms. But they feel embarrassed and are far less likely to tell someone they have a problem. Among those who reported struggles, 67 percent of 15-17 year-olds and 57 percent of 18-24 year-olds did not feel they needed professional help. Beyond that, there is a striking lack of awareness: about 70 percent said they do not know what mental health professionals do, and 43 percent of boys and 55 percent of young men did not know where to go for help or what kinds of help exist.

2. Purpose, positivity, and shared interest are vital.

The data is clear. Boys and young men want to be seen for their strengths, interests, and potential. They are drawn to programs centered on purpose, growth, and community, not on pathology or symptoms. For adolescent boys, which shows up in shared activities like sports, volunteering, or faith-based and community groups. As one said:

I developed amazing friendships on my sports team that I hope will last a long time. While mental health groups are good, I think it is the lack of purpose that makes most boys think negatively of themselves. Every young man should have a chance to channel his energy into something he loves — where he feels he belongs.

As boys grow into young men, their needs shift. Casual bonds weaken, and they look for deliberate trust-building, mentorship, and emotional scaffolding that meet them where they are. They value reciprocal relationships with relatable adults or slightly older peers who understand their experiences.

3. Digital tools have reach but could be more effective.

Solo activities like hobbies, journaling, and digital tools remain common, used by 70 percent of boys and young men. Many mentioned apps, online groups, or AI-driven chatbots as ways to reflect privately, track emotions, or connect anonymously. Yet these tools often fall short. While 70 percent use some form of technology for support, only 43-60 percent find it incredibly helpful. Boys want private, non-prescriptive, peer-driven spaces like mood check-ins, journaling platforms, or real stories from trusted peers and mentors. These digital supports appear especially valuable for young men of color.

4. Mentorship must be grounded in trust, sharing, and identity affirmation.

Peer-to-peer support stands out as one of the most effective forms of emotional help. 85 percent of boys and young men have talked to peers about their mental health, and two-thirds found it helpful more than conversations with parents or other adults. They say these relationships work best when both sides show vulnerability. Being real matters more than being right.

A new blueprint for supporting boys and young men

So: what’s to be done? Our work suggests three key approaches:

1. Scale culturally relevant, interest-based groups where mental health is not the headline.

Boys and young men prefer programs that are interest based rather than labelled as being about “mental health.” We should frame support around identity building, shared interest, and activities and avoid clinical labels such as “therapy” or “treatment.” Clubs or programs that combine hobbies with peer support and shoulder-to-shoulder experience sharing are highly desirable.

2. Co-design digital tools.

While human connection is essential, boys and young men value the anonymity, freedom and privacy of digital spaces. Co-designing these with boys and young men is essential to ensure we meet their needs, using relatable language and content from trusted peers and clear connection with local mental health resources.

3. Turbocharge peer support through relatable role models.

Peer-support models have transformed public health programs from harm reduction to HIV/AIDS prevention. Boys and young men clearly articulate the value of peers for their well-being and mental health. Consistency, quality, and trust are key. Peers should be relatable figures from their communities who show up authentically and reliably. Investments in identifying, training, and supporting these natural leaders can form the foundation of a strong, sustainable network.

We have failed to serve our boys and young men. To be clear, this is not because of apathy or lack of action. It is because there is a disconnect between what boys and young men want and need and the services provided. With a deeper understanding of their needs, we can design in-person and digital solutions that close this gap between need and service.

We have a once-in-a-generation opportunity to get this right and design systems that finally meet boys and young men where they are and help them thrive.

Sema K. Sgaier

Dr. Sema Sgaier is a health-care entrepreneur and co-founder of Surgo. A former leader at the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, she pioneered data-driven approaches to global health. She is widely published, contributes to major media and serves on the board of United States of Care.