Is romance dead for young people?

This is a follow up Q&A of Daniel Cox’s 2024 commentary on the Gen Z romance gap.

Valentine’s Day used to be a teen milestone. What does it look like for teens in 2026—especially boys?

The most obvious way that Valentine’s Day is different is that it’s not especially relevant to most teenagers. Fewer than half of high school seniors report that they are dating. This is a drop from more than 8 in 10 in the 1990s—dating was once a ubiquitous activity and an important rite of passage. But it is disappearing.

These early experiences have downstream effects. Without early dating experiences, we lose out on invaluable opportunities to cope with rejection and learn to manage feelings of anxiety and insecurity. As a result, young people become less risk tolerant and less willing to prioritize the activities that make relationships possible. The lack of experience also means that they develop less practical relationship skills to draw on when they become adults—where stakes are higher and expectations are greater.

Valentine’s Day can be rough for lonely teens. What are the warning signs that not dating is drifting into isolation?

It’s funny that in discussions about dating and relationships we treat these activities independently of other social experiences. Dating, at least in its early stages, is simply having a conversation with someone you are romantically interested in. It is talking to someone you like! Part of the problem we have is that young adults today have far fewer shared social experiences than previous generations. Compared to previous generations, young adults today are less likely to have had a part-time job, been part of a religious community and to have socialized with friends. When teenage socializing breaks down, and fewer young people spend time together in unstructured and unchaperoned settings, dating becomes more difficult. To the extent that we are facing a romantic recession among young people, it may be better understood as a broader social breakdown.

In our research we found that, for young men especially, having a larger social circle was accompanied with greater romantic success. Single men with lots of friends went out on dates more often than those with fewer. The reason should be obvious. Having a large network of friends provides more opportunities for you to meet other people. You’ll be invited to more events and participate in more activities where you could meet a prospective partner or romantic interest. It’s also correlated with increased social skills. Being able to communicate confidently, trust your feelings, engage with humor, and navigate different social settings are critical social advantages. But few of us are naturally endowed with these skills. It takes practice. It’s no surprise that relatively few young adults say they feel comfortable expressing their feelings to a prospective romantic partner or confident approaching someone they are interested in.

Is Valentine’s Day becoming a class marker now—something affluent teens do more because they have more freedom and resources?

One of the most disheartening trends we have documented is the growing social challenges faced by non-college educated men. The collapse of American civic life documented by Robert Putnam nearly three decades ago did not affect Americans equally. Declining membership of churches, unions, civic associations, and clubs had a far more serious impact on men without college degrees. In our research, Americans without college degrees have experienced a much steeper decline in the size of their social networks. Nearly half said they have six or more close friends in 1990, while only 17% say the same today. Non-college men have experienced the most pronounced rise in social disconnection. Compared to others, non-college men are more likely to feel like they have no one to turn to and feel ignored by people around them.

The lack of economic resources also put non-college men at a considerable disadvantage in the dating market. Roughly half of non-college men today are single—compared to only 27% of non-college women. Despite dramatic changes in public attitudes regarding gender roles, romantic viability for men is still based on their ability to provide. More than seven in ten Americans—including roughly equal numbers of men and women—say that what makes a man a good partner is his ability to support a family financially.

When men struggle economically, they have fewer romantic opportunities. More than half (55%) of college-educated men have gone on a date in the last month compared to 38% of men without college degrees.

What does “no teen relationship experience” actually predict for young men?

The lack of relationships shields young men from developing social resilience. It leaves them with diminished self-esteem compared to their peers who are going on dates. Young men without any relationship experience are more likely to feel worthless or useless than those who have dated. Their lack of personal experience leaves these young men more susceptible to the influence of online pornography and OnlyFans, which only provide pseudo sexual experiences without any of the relational benefit.

What’s different for girls—and how does that shape boys’ experience?

I think the most important difference between how young men and women approach dating is the role that fear plays in the decision making. Young women tend to worry more about relationship infidelity than men, or worry about being hurt or mistreated in a relationship. Importantly, compared to previous generations of women, young women today are more likely to believe that dating entails significant personal risk. Polls show rising concerns about sexual assault, and our research has found that single women increasingly believe that dating apps are unsafe.

Social media plays a role in all of this. Regardless of the platform, social media is awash in dating horror stories and posts that portray partners who are lazy, disrespectful, and abusive. Perhaps it’s no surprise that most single women believe (wrongly) that single women tend to be happier than married women.

What’s one cultural change you’d want before next Valentine’s Day to make teen dating healthier and less performative?

We need a culture that actively encourages teen socializing and dating as opposed to treating them as problems to be managed. Parents have been too content in allowing their teens to spend time alone unsupervised online, or immersed in individual enrichment activities rather than spending time with friends. In focus groups we conducted among young adults in Raleigh, North Carolina, I asked the participants whether any of their parents had stressed the importance of getting a good education, getting a well-paying or stable job, or becoming financially secure. Every single participant responded that these goals were stated early and reinforced often. Then I asked about the importance of marriage and family. Not one participant said their parents told them these should be priorities. This is so telling.

As an answer to rising social disconnection, technology companies are promoting chatbots as viable social and even romantic alternatives. My advice to young people when it comes to technology is simply this: only rely on AI tools for the skills that you don’t mind losing. Instead of scrolling, go to parties, let your friends set you up, talk to strangers while waiting in line, and don’t let people online dissuade you from pursuing love and connection.

Daniel A. Cox

Director of the Survey Center on American Life and a senior fellow in polling and public opinion at the American Enterprise Institute (AEI)