Male loneliness and isolation: What the data shows

Key takeaways

• Time spent alone has risen for both men and women over the past two decades, with similar rates of reported loneliness, emotional support, and close friendships.
• Around 70% of both men and women feel adequately supported socially and emotionally.
• Men are somewhat more likely to be socially isolated than women. They are more likely to say that they are “not meaningfully part of any group/community,” for example.
• Men and women socialize differently; women engage friends and family more often, while men engage in group activities.
• Overall, there appears to be much more of a class gap (as measured by education level) than a gender gap in loneliness and isolation.

Loneliness and aloneness

Both men and women are spending more time alone than they were even twenty years ago, with parallel trends for men and women, according to data from the American Time Use Survey shown in figure 1. As writers like Derek Thompson have pointed out, this increasing isolation can lead to a host of social ills, including increased polarization and declining civic engagement, regardless of self-reported loneliness.
 

Figure 1

Because loneliness is a subjective feeling of disconnection, someone can feel lonely even if they’re surrounded by others, and they can feel fine even if they’re by themselves. It arises from a perceived gap between the number or quality of relationships people want and those they actually have.

Figure 2

In figure 2, we show several recent surveys with nationally representative samples that measure adult loneliness by gender. While the wording of specific questions differs, all but one show men and women within roughly a percentage point of one another. The largest survey—the U.S. Census’ Household Trends and Outlook Pulse Survey with a sample size of about 6,700 adults—shows no gap.

One exception to this overall similarity is among youth, as figure 3 shows. Gallup found recently that a quarter of men aged 15-34 report feeling lonely compared to 18% of women. Other surveys point in the other direction, and the difference is especially stark among teens. In 2023, 25% of American 8th and 10th grade boys said they often feel lonely. But for girls it was 44%.
 

Figure 3

While the mixed and somewhat noisy evidence makes strong conclusions difficult, it does suggest that if anything, it is young women that report feeling particularly lonely right now.

Gender differences on some dimensions of isolation

While men and women appear similar on high-level measures such as time spent alone, overall loneliness, satisfaction with emotional support, and number of close friends, those broad metrics can gloss over meaningful differences.

The Making Caring Common survey found that while men and women gave similar answers to general loneliness questions, men were more likely to report feelings of disconnection or irrelevance. They were more likely to say that they were “not meaningfully part of any group/community,” for example, or that their “place in the world doesn’t feel relevant,” and that they “don’t feel like a part of the country.” These findings could reflect genuine differences, but they might also arise from how men interpret loneliness questions or from variations in survey wording; further research is needed to test their consistency.

Figure 7

These survey-based perceptions tell one part of the story. Other research using broader social isolation indices which capture the size and frequency of one’s contacts, participation in community life, and relationship status also finds a modest male disadvantage. A national study of adults found that men were slightly more isolated than women at every age, with gaps largest among those who were never married. Among adults 65 and older, men had more than double the odds of being socially isolated compared with women.

These patterns suggest that while the amount of time alone and self-reported loneliness may not differ much by gender, the structure of social connections often does. Men are more likely to have smaller, less diverse networks and to lack certain forms of community participation. Our analysis of the Household Pulse Survey shows that while a majority of both men (68%) and women (69%) say they are getting their social and emotional needs met, how they meet those needs differs somewhat, as figure 8 shows.

Figure 8

For both men and women, spouses are a primary source of support (85% and 72%, respectively). Later marriages therefore potentially change the social landscape for everyone. But for men, these shifts can have a sharper impact because they may rely more heavily on romantic relationships for affection, personal support, and to facilitate friendship. This is reflected in the fact that married men and men with children spend more time socializing than single men, that married men are more likely than married women to turn first to their spouse for personal problems, and that single men are far less likely than single women to receive physical affection.

Because men lean more on their partners for connection, they may have fewer alternative sources of support when they are single. Our analysis of the 2021 American Perspectives Survey shows that men are likely to get support from their parents (56% for men vs 50% for women) and less likely to get it from friends (15% vs 17%). When men do connect, it is often through group activities rather than one-on-one relationships. While these differences are modest, men are more likely to connect socially through clubs and organizations and less likely to get together with friends or neighbors.

Conclusion

Americans now spend more time alone than they did two decades ago, but the retreat from social life looks similar for men and women. Survey data likewise show that the sexes report similar levels of loneliness, comparable numbers of close friends, and equivalent perceptions of emotional support.

Yet averages can conceal as much as they reveal. Greater risks may cluster among certain subgroups, such as younger women or older men. Men and women may also define and disclose loneliness differently, and gender norms continue to shape how men build and sustain friendships.

Less social contact matters, even when people don’t necessarily feel lonelier: falling marriage rates, rising screen time, and the erosion of community “third places” have all chipped away at the elements of daily life that once fostered in-person connection. These losses can weaken our ability to relate to others, increase polarization, and reduce the kinds of civic participation that are so important for democracy.

Taken together, the evidence suggests that the loneliness epidemic is not a blanket crisis for men in particular. Some men are struggling more than women, but other groups of women are also potentially at risk. A college degree may be more important in understanding differences in loneliness and social isolation than gender.

Getting a better understanding of the true nature of social isolation helps to illuminate many of the challenges faced by boys and men. Men are four times more likely to die by suicide than women, and the risk has risen in recent years among young men, but differences in self-reported loneliness do not appear to explain that gap. So we need to look elsewhere.

The trends described above underline the need to create spaces and opportunities for meaningful connection for both men and women, and above all for those struggling most in our society.

The authors thank DJ Windsor for his contributions to this research brief.

Think we missed something? We welcome information on additional studies or surveys examining gender differences in social connection and well-being. Send us a note at [email protected] with your feedback.