“If my son didn’t play video games, he would never talk to his friends.”

I was sitting on an airplane, enjoying a lovely conversation with a stranger—something increasingly uncommon in the digital era. When she asked about my work, I said I was a psychology researcher about to start a new project on adolescent boys and gaming. My seatmate, the mother of a 13-year-old boy, had lots to teach me.

While gaming, she explained, her son chats with his friends via an Xbox headset. She overhears many groans, cheers, and expected exclamations about the game (“Oh, dude!”). But interspersed, her son and his friends also discuss school, friendships, and daily life. They even disclose rather intimate information—about their crushes and aspirations for the future—all while playing Call of Duty.

Game buds

In a recent commentary paper, my team summarized the current evidence on the social nature of online gaming, especially for teen boys. To many parents and teens, however, the pattern is clear through firsthand experience: for boys, gaming is often a primary space for social connection.

Gaming is too often seen as an activity that isolates, addicts, and even ruins young men’s lives. Of course, gaming, like any activity, has its risks and downsides. But many of the features of these platforms—especially how they allow people to interact—are inherently social. For example:

• Built-in microphones, headsets, and voice or video chat make real-time conversations possible during gameplay.

• Popular platforms like Discord and in-game chat features let players message friends individually or in small groups.

• Competitive and team-based games (e.g., Super Smash Bros.) create opportunities for shared goals.

• Open-world “sandbox” games (e.g., Minecraft) encourage creativity in collaboratively built digital spaces.
• Shared persistent digital worlds in multiplayer games (e.g., Final Fantasy XIV, Roblox, or The Sims) provide a space where users can come and go freely as in real life, allowing for real-time interaction with both friends and new acquaintances, some of whom may become online-only friends.

Nearly all U.S. teens (85%) play video games and most of these (89%) do so with others. The gender differences are stark: 61% of boys play games every day compared to just 22% of girls. Boys are also more likely to use gaming for social connection: 94% of boys play with others, compared to 82% of girls.
 

Connecting “shoulder to shoulder”

Long before social gaming existed, psychology researchers developed a simple way to explain differences in how boys and girls tend to form friendships and communicate. While girls often favor face-to-face interactions, emphasizing deep conversations and emotional intimacy, boys are more likely to bond “shoulder to shoulder” through shared activities.

Boys tend to gravitate more toward structured games or sports, group activities, and working toward shared goals. Of course, these are general trends—every individual is different, and teens vary from day to day or depending on the situation. It’s important to recognize that boys are fully capable of close, meaningful friendships, even if they sometimes express them differently than girls.

The way boys tend to form friendships suggests that social gaming may offer unique benefits, though research on this is still limited. Some studies show that both friendly competition and cooperation in games can strengthen peer relationships. Although gaming with existing friends may be most beneficial, more than half of U.S. youth have made a friend online. For many boys, gaming is a key way to do so—56% of boys, compared to 35% of girls, report making an online friend through gaming. Social gaming can help strengthen these online friendships, which in some cases provide valuable social support.

The social nature of gaming may also benefit boys in other important ways. For example:

• Team-based games provide opportunities to practice social skills like teamwork, cooperation, generosity, and empathy.

• By interacting in virtual worlds—through avatars and in-game experiences—boys can also see things from different perspectives, helping them build skills in understanding others.
• Additionally, gaming provides a low-risk space for identity exploration, a key part of adolescence. Through usernames, avatars, and other customizable features, teens can experiment with different aspects of their identity, helping them discover what feels authentic and what they aspire to be.

It’s still unclear how these experiences transfer to real-world interactions. Some research suggests that while some online social skills carry over, they don’t necessarily translate to offline settings.

The darker side of gaming

Of course, it’s not all upside. The potential harms are important to consider. Gaming can be highly engaging and thus may lead to habitual or addictive-like use, which might displace healthy activities like in-person socializing, physical activity, or sleep. Some games contain age-inappropriate content that should be avoided for younger gamers. Importantly though, despite parents’ fears, research over the past 35 years has found little consistent evidence that video game violence causes long-term or substantial increases in youth aggression.

Another concern is that online gaming allows interactions with antagonistic peers or strangers, including adults. Many teens report that gaming cultures can promote hostility or harassment, through “flaming,” “trolling,” or “trash talking,” which teens may be developmentally more sensitive to than adults. Some interactions may also be hateful—promoting racism, homophobia, sexism, or xenophobia. Boys may be at risk of experiencing this form of harassment or being influenced by and socialized into harmful ideologies. In some rare cases, gaming communities have been used to spread extremist views, raising concerns about the potential for radicalization in these spaces.

Gaming is also associated with social skill deficits, although we don’t have strong causal evidence explaining why. It’s possible that youth with social skill problems are attracted to gaming or that gaming actively disrupts or displaces opportunities for social skill development. Boys with ADHD or autism may also find gaming particularly engaging and socially rewarding, but they could be at higher risk for gaming addiction or challenges in their offline relationships. Marginalized teens—including boys of color, LGBTQ+ boys, and those with disabilities—might find solace in online communities where they can meet others with shared experiences, but may also face more harassment and discrimination online.

A mixed picture, with much more to learn

Every teen is different, and so is the balance between risks and rewards. Understanding the tradeoffs is an important task for researchers.

Gaming to connect with existing friends, or to develop genuine friendships that have been formed online, is likely to offer the most benefit. Interactions with strangers likely offer fewer benefits and more risks. Boys may also differ in their sensitivity to social dynamics, making some more vulnerable to the negative effects of “trolling” or harassment. On the other hand, boys who struggle with social skills offline may find gaming a less threatening or stressful context to refine those skills.

More research is needed to fully understand boys’ experiences with gaming and the potential benefits of social gaming. Online social spaces vary widely, and teens have different ways of connecting with others. While social media platforms like Instagram have been studied extensively, we still know far less about how social gaming—a unique form of social media especially attractive to boys and young men—affects well-being. It’s time to fill that knowledge gap.

Annie Maheux

Annie Maheux, Ph.D., is an Assistant Professor of Psychology and Neuroscience at UNC Chapel Hill and the Winston Family Distinguished Fellow at the Winston National Center on Technology, Brain, and Psychological Development. Annie's research addresses sociocultural and technological influences on adolescent development, with a focus on gender and well-being.